Love All Around The World.

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There’s a dog wagging his tail, a couple kissing on the side of the street. It’s all the romance of the Earth twirling around us like the music on her spinning dress. They are there at the cafe, getting coffee discussing their former mates. They have wide smiles and wine filled stomachs for they love to laugh a little too loud in the dinner candle lights.

All the love in the world, but somehow we are just magical observers who gets a glimpse of the lady he’s pulling himself into. We look in the mirror at ourselves and wonder, “Who is that? How have we changed into this person?”

The reflection erodes our understanding of self and our egos are enlightened to the uncomfortable revelation of reality, we are not the center stage performer as we once were. There was a time of our moment in the spotlight but that time has come and may never come again, or at least it feels that way. Sticking to our way to big book, we can see the eyes gleam at us while we eat a sushi dinner for one.

They were mocking the scene across the bar, and the woman couldn’t resist to ask the question, “What book is that?” Turning around to pleasant eyes radiating behind circular glasses, it wasn’t a mistake. The thought that the couple had been staring this way for the past 15 minutes had been confirmed with one question.

“Lord of The Rings,” a voice answers, and somehow the next thing a person knows is they find themselves joining a meal for two as their plus one.

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Becoming a now third element to the type of couple family members pressure over wedding cocktails, “so when are you two planning the engagement?”

But there was no reason to disengage as she started to describe,

“In France, people start dating from the moment they go out. Right on the first date, that’s it, you are my boyfriend.” She looked at her man and smiled.

Now being in no rush to leave, we discover they’ve been dating for one and a half years and just moved in together.

In no rush themselves, she works here in Israel at a big time company dealing with blockchain of some AI program and he, being from Rhode Island, happened to find himself working as an employee for Fiverr and mainly as her man. A sweet, simple, yet modern couple. They couldn’t help but mingle with the meal of words signifying a modified management of monogamy.

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There was an impressive chord struck when she claimed she wants him to raise the kids while she climbs the corporate cubicle. France, apparently, spiced itself with the same spunky feminism of the west, and there’s a moment where we listen to the fresh take on old told notion.  

With the sight of their seamlessly solid twosome, we ask ourselves the subtle question, “Is this the new way for our future?”

Pondering the rules to the generation’s new game, we conclude, “Whatever the rules, will we be able to stick by them?”

Walking away with more questions than answers we think, “Who are we? And as a person, how do we view relationships?”

The time has come to try and answer these questions.

Friends tell us it’s time we go out and date, that we should step up to the plate.

But what are we trying to swing at? How was the pitch for a relationship up at bat? Will it even be a home-run across the globe?

More importantly, “Will these beliefs get us a definite travel ticket to the City of Love?”

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PLEASE!!**  Share your thoughts 🙂 That’s how we all learn and grow, Thank you!

He Likes Her, She Likes Him.

woman-wearing-straw-hat-standing-in-bed-of-sunflowers-1263985He likes her…

Because she is different, adventurous, spontaneous, completely illogical. She has the perfect amount of curves he’s called to, a captivating charisma, a confidence of core character. He thinks she’s a beauty both on a basic biological basis and in brilliance of a bold brain. Her arch in her back sends him wild to the sky, sending messages overseas in a bottle of opened vulnerabilities. He thinks of her as a princess, depicted in his mind as an ideal that can’t be shaken and scratches his head as he shakes off the slumper with another night dreamt of sleeping beauty. What a goddess in his eyes, a pinnacle of potential perfection. She was a light on to him, and he contrasted her glow. What was he to her? The shadow underneath, the repulsive underbelly of way to many nights cramming codes on keyboards. He wasn’t at her level, she was just too pure to be his. So he held out his hand and dramatically took it back, “I guess I’ll just go.” And on he went without her, mopping and trying to man-up, but he was a mess. Mortified to the merical of a possibility, “Could it have been us?” He types her a message in pain of a reply. Why does she barely reply?

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She likes him…

Because he’s like a reflection, one with the shine of an extroverted magician, that can spark her fantasies of romantic affairs. He is the exact fit to her storybook ending, a man of charm, a lover of her world. She believes he is stable, even with his unpredictable consistency, he manages himself. She writes letters to him daily she never intends to send. A ritual act that builds up her love of his lips, a lust of the lingering link between them. She wonders about him as she wakes up in the morning, as she goes to sleep at night, and all throughout her walking days. He seems so far away from her now, halfway across the world. Many time zones away, she was ahead of his lifetime and she wonders if she’s ran too far astray. Was she ahead of him? Did she move too quick to capture his concentration? “Was she just too above him?” she’ll wonder as she writes these words on journals she’ll share to the world but will not dare for him to see. “I suppose I could reach out now,” she will say as she sends the first email, a response 4 months overdue. The hurt of her heart hangs hopeful at the positive reaction, but why does she resist to reply?

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He likes… nobody knows.

Because his actions are off and the mood of time’s discordant records of behavior calls for him to not know what he wants. Is it her, or is it just,

Himself.

 

He likes himself…

Because he has the ability to choose what he wants and where to go, what to do. His freedom is first and frankly that is his choice. He admires his extreme lifestyle and is a diehard addict to a businessman’s pace. He replies back to her for himself. He loved her, he remembers as he trips over memory’s lane.

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In love there is three sides to attraction:

He likes her, but she likes him, and he likes himself.

But maybe he also likes her?

Because she likes herself.

But him, the him that only likes her, never really likes himself.

So she can never really like him.

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11 Signs of a Twin Flame.

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” -Plato, The Symposium

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Today is the 11th day of the 11th month of a universal 11th year (2018 = 2+0+1+8 = 11). So it gets a woman to wonder, where is my parallel partner? Where is the 1 to our 1, the one person who mirrors our life and sparks spring to bloom in the middle of winter. Can’t we just see, through the seasons of a giving tree, they bring brightness to our lives and dare us to dig deeper into the roots of who we are? Where are we, if not for the relationship we’ve had with them? To who else do we appear to be so reflected through? We know who were talking about. We are talking about that special someone. We are talking about our identical projected self. We are talking about the Twin Flame. 

What is a twin flame and one questions, “Is it him? Is it her? Who is it?”

How can we know for certain of our twin? On this sacred day of 11, here’s 11 signs he or she is definitely a twin flame.

1. When thinking back on old loving memories together, it can bring someone to tears. 

Looking back on times spent together with a twin flame are beyond words. No not every moment is magical but, there are those specific times in a relationship that if someone had a flashback to with some sappy song like, “Forever Young” by Youth Group, expect full blown water works.

2. Twin flames look into each other’s eyes and immediately there’s a sense they have met before.

From day one the two could be seen by staring deeply into each other’s eyes, no words, no need to say a thing to each other, it’s all starry eyes. The look of their eyes will seem so familiar they will both wonder, “Have we met before?” They will both claim they know they know each other from somewhere, but they can place where. For some reason without getting a chance to really get to know each other, they have an intense sense of understand who the person is they see in front of them. Their eyes just look comforting to each other, and they can feel the love come from their eyes straight into their hearts.

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3. It’s NOT about the physical, but the two physically fit together perfectly!

Ever feel awkward when getting intimate with someone for the first time? Not with a twin flame! Intimacy is the core of the twin flame relationship, therefore, there is no weird tongue moves, no strange feelings holding hands, or an inability to express the full spectrum of sexual fantasies. Being attracted to a twin flame is not something that needs to be built or worked on, it magnetizing, it’s everything, their voice, their look, their personality, their energy that swirls the two together like two spiraling galaxies. We can feel it in the kiss, the sex, and most importantly in the cuddles. Spoon on spoon we fit like a matching set welcomed at any dinner party. It doesn’t matter who’s on top, it just matters that the two are together.  

4. They can touch each other without touching each other.

This is why it’s not about the physical for the two flames, they don’t even need to be physical with each other to have physical reactions to the other person. They don’t even need to be in the same room, state, or even country. Halfway around the world and a twin flame can definitely sense the other half of themselves. It’s a kind of mysterious telepathy unique to the twin flame bond. It’s a core shaker.  

5. The two always knows how to be themselves with each other.

Prepare for things to get down right real. With a twin flame one can access their inner weirdo at any time! They don’t care if they act like a bunch of beans, their two peas in a pod. There’s always something to share, even when there’s nothing to say, the two make each other feel at home. Expect funny voices, secret slips of their childish side, and that joyful moment when the two can take their pants off and get seriously strange. They’re dancing around because the only one looking is the one person they feel one with.

6. They are not opposites, they are compliments.

Most people say opposites attract, however that isn’t completely true. It’s definitely not true when it comes to the twin flame connection. Twin Flames are each other’s perfect mirror image, therefore, the two can be quite similar. They have there differences of how each one expresses their masculine and feminine qualities but, they don’t completely repel, they attract each other by complimenting the qualities they already have within them both. One might be a bit more organized and insecure, the other more out of order and confident, with this they combine together to advance the traits already held within the other. The purpose of a twin flame is to help both partners learn more about becoming whole with themselves first before they elevate to a level where the two can become one together.

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7. Expresses both the Greatest Self and the Darkest Shadow.

A twin flame is the image of what we need to integrate more into our personalities. They are the one person who we don’t just look up to, but we see eye to eye. Face to face, we face, that with all the greatness we learn from them as our most valuable teacher, we realize their flaws are also our own. The twin flame is bound to bring up those deep childhood wounds that so rarely get triggered by people. One of the two may make a mistake, mess up, and have the other doubt everything about themselves, about the two of them being together and their ability to make it together in the long term. The relationship of a twin flame is the most blissful intimate relationship a human can have, so of course it is also the most challenging.

8. The Runner/Chaser Phase

Since the relationship is basically a looking glass for each person, both people go through times of being the runner or the chaser. It’s not an easy thing to do, to have a crystal clear look at oneself projecting back at a person. So one runs away, one chases. This cycle goes on until each individual learns how to be happy on their own and hopefully, their other half is there waiting for them on the other side of the crystal ball. The reason this phase occurs in the twin flame union is because a twin wants their twin to have the best in life, therefore, they only want to be with their twin when they are at their best, and also when their twin is at their best as well.

9. There’s no separating the the two twins for long.

Twin flames are meant to belong in each other’s lives to help the progression of the other. They might not end up together in the end, but they will always be in the life of their twin. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed when the two come together again, it feels like no time has passed and everything becomes timeless again.

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10. Both people want to be giving in the relationship.

A relationship based off of what they can give to the other is a twin flame relationship. There’s no fuss about who gives what, when, and how, or even how much, the two just keep giving unconditionally. A twin flame is not there to take anything from the other, they are there to give and by giving to the twin flame they actually give to themselves.  

11. No matter how much pain the two have been through together, they always forgive each other.

The most giving thing a twin flame couple does for each other, is give them their forgiveness. The twin flame always winds up forgiving the other twin for their mistakes, because they realize that the twin flame is themselves, and everyone must learn to forgive themselves.

***Important Side Note**

NO! A physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally abusive relationship DO NOT qualify as a twin flame relationship!

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Stay Celibate or Seek Consummation?

“Shalom,” I said as I wandered on by. His friend starts to sing, “beautiful girl” as I kick up my pace. It’s absolutely amazing to witness, one look and a guy already knows he wants to sleep you. Quite frankly he could be as cute as Cam Gigandet and we’d probably still have to consider his resume over a month before he passed the filtration process, and that’s with the label, “boyfriend” stamped on his profile for a month! Feminists around the world sneer at the thought of it, but the truth: Women are different than men! We talk a lot more, lift a lot less, etc. Though this little encounter got this little lady to wonder, “Why are women so different when it comes to their sex life?”

Once upon a time, a high school peer of mine said, “a lock that can open for any key is a shitty lock but a key that can open any lock is a master key.” Basically it summed up the double standard within a two sentence mastermind metaphor no one could challenge. Who wouldn’t want to be a master key? It seems to be the fair statement to suggest that men are the keys and women are locks due to the parts they represent but sometimes in the modern day, we millennials like a little role reversal. Stick to the same story every time and things go stale, and no one likes a cliche!

Ever see a really average looking girl with an dead drop gorgeous guy or an old ugly fat woman with a young looking man? Two words for those girls: Master Keys. Though even though we find times when the guy’s heart is a item a girl would like to unlock, the latter analogy is alive and well. Religions all across the world sell female sexuality as a commodity to barder and trade. The funny part being if she’s a virgin then she will be of even higher value, which is kind of like saying, “I’ll take the one who definitely doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing.” Wait till marriage the rabbis say, sex is sacred! There is nothing so sacred about a low sex drive, ignorance of intimacy, or sexual dysfunction between two people now committed for life.

Don’t forget, things aren’t much better in the West either. Sex sells says the New York billboards and look how much money you can make off your beauty instagram insures. In the “land of the free,” home of the birth control, why are we still feeling sold, bought, and used? After a while of these thoughts flying across oceans and seas women still have a lot to talk about in actualizing what to tell future daughters and their daughters. Will we tell our baby girls to stay celibate or seek consummation as they please?

Of course no mother would tell her daughter to sleep with as many men as possible before marriage, but fathers tell sons all the time to do just that. Little boys are one issue with this type of mentality but worst we send women out there with the double bind of enjoy your beauty but don’t be a floozy. For guys the message is pretty direct, conquer as much as you can, for girls the message is as grey as the sky in the morning on our walk of shame home. How empowering is it when we need to have a slut walk through Time Square?

So when engaged with an intimate counterpart of the opposite gender, when is the time we can fully “let our hair down” and go down on our mate? Realistically no girl is sleeping with a new man every night unless she’s in a seriously low place considering women don’t just want the sex, they want intimacy. Women’s need to be emotionally fulfilled in full blown lustful encounters matter way more than a man who looked up and down at a women on the street and right then decided he was down to be up her bottom. So maybe a little bit of an intense dating process is needed for courtship, but what is the median between his way, her way, and the way that ensures a lifetime of love and libido?   

 

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Everyone Marries A Stranger.

There it was, the thought we’ve all tried to shut down immediately, “everyone marries a stranger.” As fully grown intelligent adults we would love to believe that we know the person we get intimately involved with. The reality, however, is that the divorce rates say otherwise. We don’t really know what we are getting into when we say, “I do.”

Putting a ring on someone’s finger doesn’t exactly say that because a diamond will last the long run the bride and the groom will too. We try to see what our parents have done to make it through the years but most of us in this modern masquerade perform a masterpiece of misery. A series of unfortunate events gone viral throughout the families lines and eventually created the chaos in which we came out of.

All of this comes with smiling pictures in sunny picture frames only to notice a side of a coke addict spouse and a history of infidelity. Where have we gone so wrong in our culture? It seems as if even some of the most honorable American family systems are breaking down in the most unexpected ways. When that one good dad everyone knew as a honorable moral character finds himself with a not-so-faithful-anymore-fling, why even bother believing in the ring?

But call it the eternal hopeless romantic of a little girl’s big dreams, we trust that one day we will find someone to love and be loved by. We wish upon a shooting star, blow another eyelash off our cheek, and tap our heels together three times to ensure that love will bring us back home in the arms of our beloved.

It’s too bad the reality is a tornado has hit and all we really can do is be happy we are still alive after the fact. Twisted love stories aside, when we do finally build up the confidence to lay our hand out to be taken by a real man, and not one from a fairytale, we must know that we are engaged in some stranger-danger.

We may have dated for 5 years or only 5 months but still the probability of failure and success stays the same. Just the other night I met a woman who was engaged and I asked her, “How long has she been with her fiance?” She casually replies two months and she’ll be married in three more, “It’s common in my culture” she added. Sure orthodox jews speed up the dating process and don’t even touch until the wedding night, but did that make their marriages any more or less successful? Numbers say the odds don’t discriminate regardless of what customs we practice but there definitely was something to what the rabbi said today.

It is from our absolute dedication to a solemn vow that makes the difference between romantic inquirers and life-long lovers. Dating to encounter as many experiences possible to discern what fits with an individual’s eccentric energy is a precarious pursuit with no guarantee and the hazardous hidden cost of heartbreak. Is it just best we stop searching, settle down, and tie a sturdy knot?

Devoting our lives to a man we know now doesn’t mean we will be married to that same man in the next fifteen years after time has worn him down to the truth. The question then seems to expand into wondering how to unlocking a man’s inner integrity. How can we find such a key if we are dealing with an incomplete and puzzling lock? We seem to forget that marriage is the most binding contract between two people especially when involving children.The whole thought process makes, “till death do us part” sound more like, “part of our own personal deaths.” So we better choose wisely and listen up,

How does one judge a man’s character only on what he has done today, and not what he will do in the future?     

I guess with Yom Kippur hanging over men and women’s heads alike, we can all agree only an infinite being is capable of having that answer.

Please leave your thoughts in the comments section below! We would love to hear your thoughts and for inquiries email: Victoriaantis1996@gmail.com Thanks, Shana Tova!

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Men and Women: Are Some Sexist Gender Roles Important?

There’s nothing like waking up in the early morning to go to a jewish learning center and hear a seriously sexist rabbi talk about men and women. Sitting in the classroom you begin to get thoughts like, “Does he really think that the world works this way? How much longer can someone sit through this brainwashing perspective? And I may agree that things were seriously messed up back in cavemen times but, really, this is how you see men and women?” The rabbi’s thoughts were that back in beginning of time when survival was the main focus and everything else was secondary, women traded sex for protection against the elements of the forest. Fine, we can understand women are not known to be big warriors with their larger fat to muscle ratio but, in times where we don’t just rape and pillage everything that comes our way one can safely say that women’s goals aren’t necessarily alined with that kind of thinking anymore. Maybe because women are capable of being just as fierce as their male counterparts, but more likely because we as a society are so far beyond that point where war and attraction are glorified things. Or at least we hope that beauty and strength aren’t the only two categories a human can fall into.  Beauty plus strength equals harmony.

That’s been a personal motto to help understand not the combined efforts of two individuals, but the inner spiritual combination of a whole independently functioning person. Sure, Beauty can meet Strength and they can fall happy in love for a time but without Beauty having a little strength of her own and Strength being void of any beauty it is a matter of common sense the two will lose interest. Besides beauty and strength are just expressions of power and they can both have varying expressions of mental, emotional, or physical beauty or strength, and because of this the balance of all these aspects in a person is way more complex than just being strong or handsome. Everyone is given the physical aspects by chance, we are given our authentic features for drawing in a mate to procreate with us and then we are given our muscle make up for the mechanics of survival. Though when it comes to our mental and emotional expression, it is likely that the artistic charm and robust might are cultivated with the learning curve of experience. And when it comes to being wise and experienced, nothing can help an individual learn more than from failure. From those failures we detect our deepest insecurities or better known as weaknesses. It’s true: We turn our weakness into strength.

But once we have this manifested strength it is still not enough to make us whole. We cannot self-actualize completely based only on the fact we slayed the dragon, we have to win the heart of beauty to know we claimed a prize worth fighting for in the first place. There is no point to having all this inherent power without the ability to love. So: We turn our strength into beauty.

A lot of old school sexist ideas are written into the code of our archetype simply because this is a perception us humans all encounter being equipped with the moral virtues gained from animal kingdom exile. We are blessed with the structure to have a society built on love and honor if those in question are righteous enough to up hold those values but don’t let these extreme feminist get in your head: some sexists ideas are in place for a purpose. It is not to say that women can’t be independent or strong, or that men cannot be codependent or emotional, it is to say that with both these two aspects of masculine and feminine running through each individual it is vital we articulate their unique qualities to draw new found strength and beauty.

A lot of what I am saying can be summed up from looking at the tarot cards of the magician, the high priestess, the empress, and the emperor.

Men’s ego are so huge mainly because it’s a survival instinct to protect and to do so, men are based off the principle of power. This inflation of ego allows them to put pressure on themselves to provide value and gain a position of leadership. But in order for this male to gain that status he must first have a talent for manifestation, be resourceful, and have inspired action to acquire his power. This state is rather primitive being that the man in question has his focus on the creation of self: The boy on the quest to become a man, otherwise known as the Magician.

Women’s emotions are so over developed to ensure that they can connect to relationships around them because they are based off a principle of love. This interconnection to other forms of life is bred into women’s character to give them the insight necessary for their survival. Their intuition guides them to to make decisions based off of the sacred knowledge that comes from the journey within. Were as the Magician is to go out into the world to prosper, the High Priestess goes into herself to use her subconscious understandings of emotional power. She sees that men’s power comes from being able to go out and give, so she uses her inner wisdom to retain and receive. She is complex and therefore is both an independent, yet an interdependent character on her ability to create a relationship between the spiritual and the physical. This is normally why we associate women with beauty because it is that relationship with the divine that makes us so virtuous.

Higher expressions of these two archetypes is the Empress and The Emperor. Now the woman learns to take what she’s received and retained and give back, “new life,” and the Emperor takes what he sought after to build the foundation for his leadership chair. Here women are Queens and men are Kings and they rule together. Whereas before the Magician and the High Priestess were only in a romantic mating phase that is trying to learn to take two completely opposing energies of masculine and feminine and turn them into complements, the two now create a powerful love relationship. The Empress and the Emperor give structure to the future of a family or even more ambitious: a nation.

The gender roles are not something meant to be confined to completely but by understanding what traits they express in each individual may we combine both the beauty and strength of masculine and feminine to actualize a holy harmony.        

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Right Guy, Wrong Time.

Walking through The street of Jerusalem, one could appreciate the aromas of fresh baked bread and the sight of happy families searching for some dinner in the shuk. Loud as the growls of a fasting stomach the thought kept flipping over in my mind. “The right guy at the wrong time is the wrong guy,” that’s what a friend said to me this morning. It must be true, time has spoken and it’s intuitive response was a no go. Most people run through relationships like they run through cell phones, and everyone always seems to be upgrading even if their phone is brand new. Something inside says there’s no point of getting a new device if the person using the technology doesn’t even know how to handle all its power.

When a woman goes through a breakup it’s vital to her self-image to enjoy the music of being single and take this next slow dance solo. Yeah, it’s a lot to ask to put ourselves in check and take ‘me,’ off the market. It takes serious self-control not to totally forget the emotional state we are in and focus in on our relationship with ourselves. Seeing so many amazing guys pass us by it gets deceiving knowing we aren’t ready to fall back in love with someone else. 

“Is he the one and I just don’t know it because I’m emotionally numb right now? Am I missing a blessing or is this just a test from the universe of how great is my moral character?” Tempted as we are to fill the void of one relationship with another, we all know that it’s impractical. He could be the most practical option, a Harvard graduate, a man who values family, a great conversationalist, and even treats you like a queen out in the real world and in the sheets, but still he couldn’t compete with the damage done to a broken heart.

“How long will it take?” we mourn the amount of time it takes like the impatience to break a fast. Growling to move on, we keep moving forward without a clue of direction only knowing it’s too painful to go back. “He wasn’t right for us,” we try to get ourselves to believe, but the second we see a faded picture of the past we remember the stain of his soul. He was our soul mate, for a time, and now that time has came and gone. Will we ever be able to feel that love for someone else? That deep eye contact that can last infinitely, “Can we really recreate that with someone else?”

In comes Mr.RightGuyattheWrongTime and he’s just so good to us, just so perfectly qualified for the position of boyfriend, and wants nothing more than your soul, but what good is a soul that feels split in two and are we really supposed to just jump back into passion payment plan without a commitment to self? Is life really swinging from one possible family tree to the next? With the ghost of a former lover haunting the newly bought home of a couple, it doesn’t matter how scared the connection, the two are bond to get spooked out.

So dear Mr.RightGuyattheWrongTime, I’m sorry but I must respectfully decline your offer to honor your time and protect my heart.

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How Important is Physical Attraction to a Woman?

The new year has put a lot of new thoughts into question about some jewish traditions. A rabbi once said to me, “The meeting is only important for the men to see the woman.” In jewish culture it is known that men and women meet each other for the first time already knowing a lot of intimate details about the other person but in order to assure the couple is an ideal match obviously the meeting is mandatory. At first thought one could think that was because both people would need to have chemistry to really know if they like each other but he reassured me, the meeting was for the man.

The rabbi clearly thought looks are not as important to women as men, but in reality that is just one big lie.

Talking about this guy I met at the beach, my friend asked, “Was he attractive?” I innately responded that, “It didn’t matter” but looking at a new pair of muscles and strong blue eyes earlier today, the statement had to be retracted. Physical attraction does matter. When we see someone as cute with a great build it’s built into our system to surrender to our senses. It matters more than we think it does, even though it’s not in the way we think of it does, because when we see strength in someone’s body we are programmed to see the endurance to lift us off our feet, literally.

Physical attraction is more than just the physical, however, it definitely includes the actually physicality of a person. Who do we actually see in the role of relationship and how does their look characterize the person we are with? Is his hair like a surfer’s? Does he always wear a buttoned up shirt? Why are his shoes so dirty? How genuine is his smile? Sight being the initial key sense but does he actually know how to use those lips, is he even a good talker?

Later in the day there was another very attractive male but somehow the aesthetic intrigue was falling flat and the silent conversation was the sound of its lack in luster. They say, “talk is cheap” and sometimes it’s nice to wonder if some hot guy could actually sweep us away into the sunset without all the fus of figuring out if he actually is as flawless as his face, but that’s no fairytale that’s a farce!

The truth rings our ears like a shofar being blown. Women need more than a pretty face and a nice body, but we want a man that takes care of how he appears. No one wants to date a hobo!

Then come to think of it, just like earlier, there are some men that could be absolutely breathtaking and yet there is not a thing about them that makes us want to jump in bed with them while Hairy Harry has got us hotter then a steam shower. And all because Harry knows how to use his words, not to mention his mouth. What do women want? Exactly that, women want attraction and that means to evoke interest, but only the interest of an investment worth desiring. It’s foolish to think that men value appearances more than women, mainly because obviously men base their attraction off of beauty, why would women not be designed like that too?

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Serve Me Up One of HIM!

Not too hot not too cold because for this foreign invader to be able to penetrate our princess’ palace the chemistry must be just right. Don’t get it mixed up, we experiment with the mixture. Try to calculate out any remaining factors but the common denominator is this: we want it in his kiss. Like a love song by a fabulous diva, if you want to know if he loves you so! Sure there could be fireworks of heat between two people but the hotness can just as easily evaporate into a faded sparkle while Mr.Sizzling slithers over to the next sale. We could be totally in love with a person only to find the lust died and Larry laid with Linda. So then what?

Be practical, logical, go with your reason. Your heart drove you down the gutter, but this time your mind is in the driver seat. Back on the road to success, the offers being thrown at us come from every corner and side street, but we stay in our lane. Normally the next stop on our destination is anything but the location we mapped out. Even more aimless the target we hit is usually a pit stop or worst a bump in the road! But for the sake of an argument let’s say we meet Mr.Right just as our engine is on empty, isn’t it absolutely wrong of us not to consider the longevity of our travels? We could of clicked-in all the necessary seat belts, have our airbags ready to go, but still we wouldn’t go anywhere without some gas in the tank. Not to mention Mr.Right is not Mr.Perfect so there’s bound to be general maintenance to be done, and who’s going to the shop for a mechanic when there’s no fuel? Even without switching the gear to drive we question it’s durability.

And ironically the next in the assembly line of possible suitors always tends to be the most polarized to the last relationship we gone through. With so many bouncing thoughts going back and forth, from this guy to someone else, testing one extreme to the next. We commit the number one deadly single girl sin: we compare and contrast. We couldn’t help it if we tried, we need to have more than faith to ensure that the chemical combination will leave us in the right climate for incubation. We search and research all the data to maintain the proper conditions of an environment that may facilitate the ideal relationship.

The perfect temperature is normally your middle man.

He’s the man right in the middle. Not too sweet, not too bitter, not too boring, not too fun, he’s at the midpoint. Directly in the center of all our needs, and even more appropriate he’s always exactly on time. Not too soon after a breakup but also not too late when we already have a husband and kids. He’s a timeless opportunity, the American Dream for women all over the world! And he’s completely fictional. Made up in our heads like a fairytale ending. The princess in a tower doesn’t always get rescued by her prince, sometimes she’s left there to be burned by her own inner beast or worst left to wrinkle away in time.

At the risk of being devoured by our own mental demons or becoming bleak and lifeless from using up our eggs, is there a gamble to picking the flower petals, “He loves me, He loves me not?” Funny enough sometimes when we play this little girl’s game we actually question, “Do I love him, do I love him not?”  Pick another petal and make a wish, we don’t all get a happy ending. Cup of coffee anyone?

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Men: There’s One Every Minute!

A woman from my oil painting class once said to me, “Men are like buses, there’s one every minute and some rides are less bumpy than others.” Don’t take her word for it, go out and look! I didn’t really believe her at first because at the time I was newly single and the only male I wanted time with was my cat. Even after a month of solitude I went back out into the grand globe with the gullible notion that since I wasn’t interested in guys, they too would lack interest in me! This was not the case. Moving to a new country with heavy baggage, breakup weight, and easily fried skin, I didn’t realize I was that much of a person of interest. One by one there would be some sort of suggestive second take involving creep eye contact, a way too happy smile back at me, or some person holding me longer in meaningless conversations starting with, “Where are you from?”

That’s not even a quarter of it either. Men at pizza places would speak Hebrew and then aggressively ask my friend if he was my boyfriend. Can’t a girl just order a vegan slice of pizza without the side of making a pass at me? Not to mention the awkward dance around actually needing place to crash for the night without trying to instigate a seriously sketchy situation, “I just need a place to crash are you sure I’ll I have my own place to sleep, or are you just going to try and take advantage of the situation here?” Talking with a brilliant and beautiful independent woman she states her frustrations as well, “What makes them so entitled to my time? I have important stuff I could be doing with my time why should it be wasted feeling bad for turning down attention I don’t want?” Valid statement because there is no argument about this there is definitely, “one every minute.” Look around ladies, to the left, to the right, downtown, uptown, or passed the corner, guys all over the place don’t care what emotional place a woman’s in, they don’t care if her physique isn’t up to her goal shape, or even if she has a career of her own. No, men all over the world pile up their offers to as many candidates possible and see if there’s any takers.

Could anyone imagine if women worked this way? Suddenly the guy we bump into at a falafel stand turns into dinner and movie merely because he flirted back, I don’t think so. Women don’t date off of chance, women don’t go out there looking just to look, women go out there to find their mate. Women are looking for something specific and sustainable. Don’t let the fairytales we love so much get it twisted, what we want is actually very simple and realistic! What we absolutely don’t want is a guy who will waste our time confusing us on that road to our story book ending! So why are we wasting our time?

Single and ready to mingle, but who are we actually mingling with? That’s why most of us girls feel there is not, “one every minute.” Women run around frantic to find that ‘one,’ the ‘other-half,’ the missing piece to this never-ending puzzle we are trying to solve and the worst is once a woman has felt she found a partner that even subtly suggests they could be candidate material we attach. “Johnny likes sushi, has a six figure salary, and loves his mother plus he’s wicked in bed and a killer on the eyes! Where will I find another hot stable guy that likes sushi and actually remembers to call his mother like this?” The instinct of scarcity slides back in and we lose sight of several other suitors. Even when Johnny turns out to be texting Sally-on-the-side in front of our face a thought passes, “he did take me out to dinner all weekend long he must just miss his friends.”

Once a woman has locked a man into this unattainable ideal she’ll do anything to keep him propped up there for the fear of going out in the world of very scarce quality matches. We cling and hold onto anything somewhat satisfying out of fear, “What if there’s nothing better than what I already have?” With so much to conquer in this matrix and a time limit stated, the personal question of scarcity that takes it a step further asks, “What if there’s nothing better than being alone?” If there’s one every minute and there’s no time to waste, “why bother being in a relationship with these time wasters?” Who cares if someone immediately sees a person as smart, funny, independent, and beautiful, if that person doesn’t see that within themselves they will never be ready to date. It maybe a little bleak but think about it, even if a woman finds a ten out of ten perfect guy if she doesn’t believe she herself is one worthy of him she will never be able to meet him, “face to face.” So why even bother with relationships when we are all intimately involved in a story line of independence? Besides, there’s one every minute.

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